Monday, January 13, 2020
Being Me
Being Me Its tough being a teenage girl; especially me, thatââ¬â¢s excruciating. Take some advice ââ¬â no one can ever fully understand someone so donââ¬â¢t even try to ââ¬â itââ¬â¢s impossible. As you read this essay beware, not everyone lives with money and happiness handed to them or lives ââ¬Ëthe dreamââ¬â¢. Fact 1, Everyone is stereotyped, bound to whatever group everyone else thinks you are, not who you actually are every stereotype hates at least one other. I get stereotyped because of the make-up on my face, nothing else, just how I look. Why? To find another way to make themselves feel better by putting everyone else down. Pathetic, right? I have lost and gained so many people it is unbelievable; one thing I will say though, is no one sticks around. They expect you there for their troubles but when yours itââ¬â¢s completely different, you can handle them on your own, yes of course. I have gained 3 important people though, Heather Gemma and Anya, they may not stick around forever but they are the closest. I am bitter towards friendships because I lost my best friend to her boyfriend, shaped my opinions on almost everything, from friendships to relationships with anyone, a great deal. Looking back on this I would say I handled that poorly, I donââ¬â¢t need to be hasty but I choose to be. Right, letââ¬â¢s take a look into the intricate mind of me. My paranoia ruins all my relationships, including my family and friends, it works me up to the point I get extremely upset to the point I canââ¬â¢t eat or sleep. My paranoia makes me think that if I havenââ¬â¢t spoken to someone in a few days they absolutely hate my guts, it ruins everything for me. Also, my temper has extremely heightened to the point I am constantly ââ¬Ënippyââ¬â¢ towards everyone, the smallest things irritate me. If it was possible I would evaporate my paranoia into thin air and get on with my life but when I look back on it I wish I would just grow up, give myself a slap and get on with my life. I am constantly worn out and lacking any enthusiasm in anything. This means my focus on anything, especially school work. Unfortunately I need my grades for a job, college or maybe even university- how good would it be if you didnââ¬â¢t?! It puts your confidence down to know you would need higher Aââ¬â¢s to succeed. Oh well, you can only do the best you can? No, not good enough, push the barriers, get the highest grades possibleâ⬠¦ Yeah right! When I look back on my focus on my grades etc, I actually cannot help it, I wish I could grasp what the teachers tell me but it goes right through me no matter what I try. As many other teenage girl I donââ¬â¢t see, in the mirror, what everyone sees when they look at me. I see a FAT, ugly, scarred girl, looking back at me. To do my make-up in the morning I see a monster gawk back at me. My weight will not change no matter what I do, I cannot change my face, I cannot change my past either; I completely give up now. When people look at me they only see the intimidating yet happy me I ââ¬Ëwantââ¬â¢ them to seeâ⬠¦ this gives them the impression of no matter what they do I will be as strong as ever, they will never bring me to my knees. I would say I handle this extremely well considering the amount of self criticism I give myself. People can change your attitudes towards almost anything I suppose yes? Correct. One person has influenced my recent attitude adjustments; I cannot sleep anymore, I cannot trust anyone and he makes me extremely short tempered. Now-a-days if anyone just slightly annoys me I have thoughts going through my head of the things I would do to them if possible but luckily enough I manage to keep my temper. I handle my temper better than anything else in my life, I dread to think where I would be if it completely consumed me. I suppose you could say I have never had a proper start in life; I never really saw my parents growing up, I grew up with violence but technically that made me the person I am today; able to defend myself although I just use it to intimidate. Peer pressure also played a part in my growing upâ⬠¦ I had no chance growing up as a normal teenager; ââ¬Ëoh, do this, itââ¬â¢s cool! Cââ¬â¢mon, just do it! DO IT, DO IT! ââ¬â¢ In the end you just end up bowing down to peer pressure, then it consumes you with its viscous grip. I wish I had never given into peer pressure, it has supplemented into ruining my life. Of all things that should affect me, death doesnââ¬â¢t. It happensâ⬠¦ yes it fills you with great sadness but on the other hand it happens, get over it. It happens to everyone close or near to you. Although I must admit I am lucky enough never to have lost a relative as close such as a parent, sibling, etc. I lost my great aunt Ivory not too long ago but I was at a loss as to why we celebrate the day of someoneââ¬â¢s funeral, it just seems wrong. They may possibly be better off dead but people should be looking back in remorse to think they never spent any more time possible with that personâ⬠¦ I never spent any more time with my granddad than when my mother took me in. I didnââ¬â¢t understand he was dying but I wish I had requested to pay more time with him. When I think about it all, I handle my life as best as I can, if I lost at least one aspect, maybe my temper, I would be ended, that would appear on my records preventing me from my beloved job I crave. To be honest? I am a cold person who should be messed up more than I already am but who can help anyone? No one because no one can ever fully understand another, it is impossible. I wish I wasnââ¬â¢t so messed up although I wouldnââ¬â¢t trade my life for anyone elseââ¬â¢s, because everyone has their flaws.
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